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Strengthen Social Bonds

2006-11-29T12:52:00.000-08:00

Strategies for De-Stressing
Strengthening Your Social Bonds

Given the pleasures and benefits of social ties, why not grasp opportunities to expand your social circle and deepen the ties you’ve already made? Here are some ways to do just that:
If you normally wait for others to reach out, pick up the phone and propose a date.

Explore some of the many volunteer opportunities available, from wielding tools to spruce up affordable housing to mentoring a child or business-person. Check with http://www.volunteermatch.org or http://www.seniorcorps.org or call your local chapter of the United Way for opportunities that fit your talents and interests.

Harness the warmer side of technology. E-mail and telephones extend your reach around the world. Libraries and senior centers may offer free online time and may even help you set up a free e-mail account.

Find like-minded people through intriguing classes, organizations, and your community newspaper.

If it’s hard to get to religious services, ask fellow congregants to escort you. If a significant illness keeps you away, find out if your spiritual leader makes home visits.

Social support is a two-way street. Offer assistance to friends, family, and neighbors and accept it when it’s offered to you.

Share a confidence. Doing so can turn a friendly relationship into an even deeper one.

If depression, low self-esteem, or social phobias affect your ability to make connections, seek help. Start by talking with your doctor. Many people have been aided by therapy, medications, or both.

Coping With Holiday Blues

2006-11-27T10:39:00.000-08:00

Coping With the Holiday Blues

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Published: 11/21/06
TUESDAY, Nov. 21 (HealthDay News) -- With the holidays just about here, so, too, are the comforting seasonal images of cheer -- family get-togethers, lavish dinners, and the bustle of shopping and gift-giving.

But for some, the holidays are a source of sadness. The period from Thanksgiving to New Year's can offer unwanted reminders of loss -- perhaps the death of a loved one or a recent divorce, said Dr. Eric Hollander, director of the Compulsive, Impulsive and Anxiety Disorder Program at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City.

A number of factors can contribute to the "holiday blues," including troubled family relationships, stress, fatigue, lack of sunlight, unrealistic expectations, images in the media, and financial constraints.

"The holidays also come at the end of the year, when people tend to evaluate what they have done in the previous year. If they feel like they haven't made sufficient progress, they may feel a sense of loss," said Dr. Boadie Dunlop, assistant professor of psychiatry at Emory University in Atlanta.

People struggling with the holiday blues may experience feelings of sadness, tension, and stress; changes in sleep patterns; a lack of energy; diminished interest in favorite activities; or excessive drinking or eating.

Fortunately, there are ways to cope.

"Maintaining healthful lifestyle patterns and getting together with others is especially important during the holidays," said Hollander.

He suggests making a special effort to get as much sunlight as possible, exercise regularly, eat a healthful diet, and keep up social connections during the holiday season.

If you're feeling sad, stressed, or tense during the holidays, Dunlop suggests the following:

Set reasonable goals. To avoid overextending yourself during the holidays, plan ahead, avoid chaotic situations, and stick to a budget.
Have reasonable expectations. If your holidays aren't perfect, that's OK. Prioritize what is and isn't important for you to do.
Get enough rest. Set aside time for yourself to relax and sleep during the busy season.
Avoid dwelling on the past. If you find yourself focusing on unpleasant thoughts, find something else to do, such as taking a walk or visiting a friend.
Focus on the positive. Instead of worrying about what you haven't done in the past year, talk with someone about all the positive things that have happened during that time.
Don't overindulge in alcohol or food. Enjoy holiday meals in moderation, because excessive food and drink will just make you feel worse.
Fortunately, the symptoms of depression associated with the holiday season usually don't last. "The holiday blues should lift within a couple of weeks after the holiday season ends," Dunlop said.

But get help if you think you need it. According to Hollander, if you have a marked change in your sleep or energy patterns, or struggle with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, seek the help of an experienced mental-health practitioner.

More information

To learn more, visit New York Online Access to Health.

Broken Hearted Guys

2006-09-29T08:56:00.000-07:00

Gentlemen -

If you'd like to start speaking with others in your situation (for free!), head to mjac.forumco.com .

- the breakupgirl

Writing It Out

2006-09-08T05:52:00.000-07:00

Strategies for De-Stressing
Writing It Out
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Clinicians at the Mind/Body Medical Institute have found that the following journal exercise helps relieve ongoing sources of stress. A single attempt is not enough, though. When you first sit down to write about a problem, you may feel more anxious. The wound, once exposed, may initially hurt more than it did while hidden. But continuing to write about the same problem over the course of several days often enables you to work through difficult emotions and reach resolution or acceptance.

Here’s some advice before you begin:
Deeply troubling events and situations, such as domestic violence, rape, or direct exposure to acts of terrorism or war, are best explored with an experienced therapist. For other situations, you can proceed on your own and seek professional help only if you feel you need assistance.

If you’re physically healthy, choose the most stressful event or problem you currently face. It’s usually one that you frequently dwell upon. Or, if you think your current problems stem from past circumstance, write about traumatic events in your past.

Truly let go. Write down what you feel and why you feel that way.

Write for yourself, not others. Don’t worry about grammar or sentence structure. If you run out of things to say in the time allotted, feel free to repeat yourself.

Do this exercise for 15–20 minutes a day for three to four days or as long as a week if you feel writing continues to be helpful

Recover from a BreakUp Quickly

2006-08-25T06:24:00.000-07:00

Recover From A Breakup... Quickly
By Curt Smith
Relationship Correspondent - Every 2nd Monday

PAGES: | 1 | 2 |

"The day you left me, I was stained with sorrow and sadness. My eyes were red with grief. You were a part of me, so when you left, I felt like I lost one of my lungs and breathing became harder. I had no clue as to how I would survive the next minute of my life without hearing your sweet voice, smelling your charming perfume or feeling the soft touch of your lips.
But now I'm cured, sterilized from your love and finally at peace. I no longer miss you and no longer love you. Yet I still wait for you my love, every minute that I live, every hour of the day, every day of the month and every month of the year."

stuck in limbo

The message above is a perfect example of why it is so difficult to get over a breakup: not being able to let go of false hope. Most men are stuck in limbo with the idea that there might be a chance of getting back together with their women.
The result of such beliefs is a double-edged rejection sword. This person actually inflicts prolonged and repetitive pain. First comes the initial sting originating from the breakup itself. Then comes the gut-wrenching, heart-breaking hope that she will return, and eventually the realization that she does not regret leaving you -- and she is gone for good.

All this pain could be kept short and sweet if a man would just learn to accept the decision made by his "new" ex-girlfriend and move on with his life. By waiting around and hoping, a man is trapping himself in an endless circle of torture.

you control the situation

A man cannot prevent his woman from leaving him, but he can definitely control the whole breakup situation. Some men make the whole experience a lot more difficult than it really is. You can think of going through a breakup as similar to preparing a martini -- you take it either stirred or shaken.
The time it takes for a man to recover from the breakup depends on how he serves himself a martini. Most men will take it shaken. They sit around the house reading old love letters, looking at old photos and listening to meaningful love songs while reminiscing about the past.

This is the hard, long way of recovering. Essentially, he's taking all these emotions together and shaking them within himself to make them more bubbly than they need to be.

I, on the other hand, like it stirred. Sure breaking up is hard, but I'll only stir my martini of emotions for a short time, while I ponder on what to do next. But I don't dwell or shake up my emotions. No, I just move on.

it's not fair

Coping with a breakup is hard for everyone, but in my opinion, it is harder for men than it is for women. This is especially true for all those men who were involved in long-term relationships.
Now you're probably wondering why I believe it is more difficult for men. The answer is simple: we all know that one of the best ways to recover from a breakup is to meet new people. Well, after a breakup, men have a more difficult time meeting new women than women have meeting men.

Just think about it for a moment. If you break up with your girlfriend, all she has to do is go down to the local café, bar, club (you name it) and she'll have at least one man approach her. If she wants, she'll be in the sack with him by night's end.

On the other hand, the fragile, ego-broken man who was just dumped by his girlfriend now has the difficult task of approaching a strange woman and risk being rejected all over again.

Of course, his job is made a lot more difficult because he has to approach a woman while dealing with his new desperate state of mind (which definitely does not improve his chances: women hate desperate men), broken ego and rusty "pickup" skills.

Needless to say, his efforts are headed for doom, which will only cause his ego to be shattered further.

recover quickly

These stressful moments can further lead to confusion and a state of mind where one feels totally helpless. But there are five necessary steps that one can take to quickly recover from a breakup.
1. Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Over the years, men have earned the reputation for being big babies. One of the reasons why they're labeled in such a way is because they're always feeling sorry for themselves. Being dumped only adds to this.

Every man thinks his breakup was the most traumatic one in history. The truth of the matter is, breakups always follow the same pattern, and life does go on. If you keep thinking about how badly you've been hurt, you will continue to hurt. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and help yourself get over her.

2. Destroy the past
As I mentioned before, a lot of recently dumped men remain trapped in a limbo state of mind, hoping that their ex will return to them. But they will never admit to this. In front of their buddies, they claim to be over the breakup and swear that their girlfriend no longer means anything to them.

But if you ask them to throw away all the love letters and pictures, they'll refuse. Why? In case she does return, they won't have to start a whole new photo collection.

The solution is to completely destroy or burn anything that reminds you of her. If you find it difficult, then this means that you can't let go and you're still hoping for her to return to you. Believe me, once you meet another woman, all those pictures of your ex will become meaningless.

Initially it will be difficult, but once you've destroyed all the memorabilia of your ex, you'll have no choice but to move on, and you won't have anything around to remind you of her and cause you to feel sorry for yourself.

3. Remember your blood
A man can sometimes fall victim of his blind love and spend too much time with his woman leading him to forget his family. But in the end, once he's been dumped, he soon realizes the importance of his family. As one of our readers Scott Alex suggested, spending quality time with your blood - the family that sticks with you through tough times - is a sure way to recover from a break up.

Scott also recommends rearranging the furniture around the house. This will give you a new feel to the rooms - especially the bedroom - and can help you forget old memories and build new ones.

4. Repair the ego
Your ego just took a heavy blow so the last thing you want is to get back into the dating scene and suffer the consequences of normal rejection that comes from dating -- you'll take it too personally.

The solution to repairing your ego is to start off slowly by first making friends and doing fun activities such as sports, dance lessons and training at the gym. Getting your body in shape will eventually give you the confidence to meet new women and build your ego.

Once you feel comfortable and decide to get back into the dating game, it will be a lot easier to meet women since you have planted some seeds (met women in dance classes and such) and you won't look as desperate.

5. The sweetest revenge
Some men have bitter feelings towards their ex-girlfriends. Some behave in violent and crazy ways, while others let their performance level take a downward fall, be it in school or at work. I say, "rubbish" to all this nonsense. Don't let the actions of a woman dictate the way the rest of your life will turn out.

The sweetest revenge one could have is to be successful. Being dumped is actually the best motivation to help push you into succeeding in life. Believe me, there is no better feeling than bumping into your ex four years down the road after you've dropped twenty pounds, put on a rock hard six-pack and started your own lucrative business. Not to mention having your beautiful Swedish wife standing by your side.

You won't have to worry about hiding the fact that you work for a local McDonald's fast food restaurant. No. Instead, when your ex asks you what you've done with your life, you can start off with a big smile on your face, look at her wife-abusing husband and the rest is history. Get it on!

Remember guys, as in the famous words of W.E. Henley, "You are the master of your fate and the captain of your soul."

The Ingredients of Good Therapy

2006-08-23T11:26:00.000-07:00

Treatment for Depression: Getting Help
The Ingredients of Good Therapy

There are many different approaches to psychotherapy, but all good therapy shares some common elements. To start with, make sure that your therapist has a state license. While psychotherapy isn’t always comfortable, you should feel reasonably at ease with your therapist. In the best case, the two of you will be, or will become, a good match. Of course, both of you must respect ethical and professional boundaries.

It’s important that therapy provide some relief. Your therapist should not only offer reassurance and support, but also suggest a clear plan for how the therapy will proceed. You and your therapist should agree upon realistic goals for the therapy early on. While well-defined problems might be addressed relatively quickly, you may need to approach more difficult problems from many angles, which will take longer.

Since mood disorders can have a broad influence on relationships, work, school, and leisure activities, therapy should address these areas when — or if possible before — they become a problem. Therapy isn’t just for uncovering painful thoughts, although that’s part of the work. Good therapy also addresses how you can adjust, adapt, or function better. And it helps you understand the nature of your distress. You should feel that your therapist approaches the important issues in your life in a way that’s unique to your needs, not from a one-size-fits-all perspective. Pertinent issues springing from your culture, sex, and age, as well as individual differences, should shape the direction therapy takes.

If a doctor other than your therapist prescribes antidepressants for you, the two should communicate. If they don’t do so on their own, you may want to encourage collaboration by asking your therapist and doctor to speak regularly. Your therapist ought to understand the medication portion of your treatment, encourage you to take medications as prescribed, and help monitor your response.

Although it’s not uncommon to feel stuck at times, don’t persist for months with that feeling. Some difficult problems take a long time to unravel, but you should sense progress. If you don’t, it’s a sign that the match between you and either the technique or the therapist isn’t right. If four to six months have gone by and you don’t feel better, it’s a good idea to consult another therapist.

SCAMS to GET YOUR WOMAN BACK

2006-08-17T07:22:00.000-07:00

We've all seen it. We've all been tempted. "Get your woman back through WitchCraft, VooDoo, 10 easy tips, just buy my book or audio CD for $300."

I know we all get depressed when relationships end. Really, Really, I do. However, there comes a time in life where you have to breathe in, breathe out and question your own sanity.

You've lived without this person before.

You've been dumped before and you've lived through it.

You may have raised teenagers and you've lived through it.

You may be very young with no children, but if you made it out of highschool, you've lived through on of the hardest trials of your young life.

Just remember to check yourself everytime you feel that you're going to die unless this person comes back to you. If she were going to come back, then she would have done so already. And think to yourself...Do you really want to be with someone who didn't think you were worth making sacrifices for? Who didn't think that you were worth taking the time to work things out?

My book - The BreakUp Workbook for men at www.brokenheartedguy.com has sold over 1500 copies in the past year. It's only $12.99, and you can buy the hard copy for just a little bit more. But here's the deal, even if you don't buy the book, you can visit our forum for FREE http://mjac.forumco.com and just look around at all the posts from people - over 11,500 posts from men & women who have learned, grown, and supported one another through their worst breakups. Just seeing that will help you to remember that you're not alone. And it's free to register, free to join, and is a WONDERFUL community for anyone who just needs to vent!

And don't spend over $100 on ANYTHING that says it's guaranteed to get your lover back, or get a psychic reading...it won't help. It will only give you false hope. And maybe break the bank a little bit!

And who knows? Maybe your ex will realize all on her own that she's a dumbass and come crawling back to you. If that occurs, remember that the power is in YOUR hands. Take time to make your decision.

email me at admin@brokenheartedguy.com if you have any questions! I do invite you to visit our free community. And if it helps you, please spread the word!

MJ

Treatments for Depression

2006-08-17T07:02:00.000-07:00

Types of Psychotherapy

Depression can bring everything in your life — work, relationships, school, and even the most minor tasks — to a grinding halt, or, at the very least, gum up the works. The aim of psychotherapy is to relieve you of symptoms and to help you manage your problems better and live the healthiest, most satisfying life you can.

Some evidence suggests that by encouraging more constructive ways of thinking and acting, psychotherapy makes future bouts of depression less likely. Three schools of psychotherapy — cognitive behavioral therapy, interpersonal therapy, and psychodynamic therapy — play a primary role in combating depression.

Which type of psychotherapy works best? There’s no simple answer. Just as people respond differently to different drugs, you might do better with one type of therapy than with another. Many people find that a blended approach — one that draws on elements of different schools of psychotherapy — suits them best.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy aims to correct ingrained patterns of negative thoughts and behaviors. To accomplish this, you are taught to recognize distorted, self-critical thoughts, such as "I always screw up"; "People don’t like me"; "It’s all my fault." During cognitive behavioral therapy, your therapist may ask you to judge the truth behind these statements, to work to transform such automatic thoughts, and to recognize events that are beyond your control.

Along with cutting down on the number of negative thoughts, cognitive behavioral therapy also focuses on breaking jobs into smaller, more manageable pieces that set you up for success. You rehearse new ways of coping with problems and practice social skills that can help wean you from actions that provide a fertile breeding ground for depression, such as isolating yourself. Your therapist may assign you tasks to reinforce your learning. For example, you might keep a log of thoughts that occur as you try out your new skills. As negative patterns become clearer, you can learn to redirect them.

Interpersonal psychotherapy

Interpersonal psychotherapy concentrates on the thornier aspects of your current relationships, both at work and at home. Weekly sessions over three or four months will help you identify and practice ways to cope with recurring conflicts. Typically, therapy centers on one of four specific problems:

grief over a recent loss
conflicts about roles and social expectations
the effect of a major change, such as divorce or a new job
social isolation.
Psychodynamic therapy

Psychodynamic therapy focuses on how life events, desires, and past and current relationships affect your feelings and the choices you make. In this type of therapy, you and your therapist identify the compromises you’ve made to defend yourself against painful thoughts or emotions, sometimes without even knowing it. For example, someone with an overbearing parent may unconsciously find it difficult to risk developing intimate relationships, out of fear that all close relationships will involve a domineering partner. By becoming aware of links like this, you may find it easier to overcome such obstacles.

You and your therapist may talk about disruptions in your early life — perhaps the death of a parent, your parents’ divorce, or other disappointments — to determine their effect on you. While the duration of psychodynamic therapy can be open-ended, a variation called brief dynamic therapy is limited to a specific amount of time (generally 12–20 weeks). It applies a similar lens to a specific emotional problem.

Not just for individuals

Group, family, or couples therapy may also be part of a plan for treating depression or bipolar disorder. Group therapy draws on support generated from people in the group and uses the dynamics among them, along with the leader’s help, to explore shared problems. Family therapy and couples therapy also delve into human interactions. Like group therapy, the aim is to define destructive patterns — such as scapegoating one family member or enabling a spouse’s alcohol abuse — and replace them with healthier ones. These therapies can uncover hidden issues and establish lines of communication. Family therapy is especially useful when one person is struggling with emotions that spill over into the family.

www.emotionalhealth.com

2006-07-26T06:03:00.000-07:00

Medications for Depression

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) Close Window
Generic name (brand name) Side effects
citalopram (Celexa) Nausea; diarrhea or constipation; weight loss or gain; anxiety; insomnia (occasionally drowsiness); headache; sweating; dry mouth; and sexual problems (see “Sexuality and SSRIs”). Bleeding problems are uncommon, but do sometimes occur.
escitalopram (Lexapro)
fluoxetine (Prozac)
fluvoxamine (Luvox)
paroxetine (Paxil)
sertraline (Zoloft)
Note: For precautions regarding the use of these medications during pregnancy, see Expectant and New Mothers.

How SSRIs Work Close Window
When neurotransmitters such as serotonin bind with receptors on a neighboring neuron, they carry the impulse to the next cell. But in someone with an anxiety disorder, the cell that released the serotonin may reabsorb it too quickly. As a result, there may not be enough serotonin available to bind to the next cell and allow the signal to pass. SSRIs slow the reuptake of serotonin, leaving more of this neurotransmitter in the synapse. This permits it to work for a longer time, improving the transmission of nerve impulses.

Newer Antidepressants Close Window
Generic name (brand name) Side effects
bupropion (Wellbutrin) Anxiety; dry mouth; sweating; loss of appetite; sleep problems
Can trigger seizures and psychosis in people who have an underlying condition that makes them vulnerable to these problems
duloxetine (Cymbalta) Nausea; dry mouth; dizziness; sexual problems; anxiety; loss of appetite; at higher doses, rise in blood pressure
mirtazapine (Remeron) Drowsiness or sedation; constipation; dry mouth; increased appetite; weight gain
venlafaxine (Effexor) Nausea; insomnia; dry mouth; dizziness; sleep problems; sexual problems; blurred vision; anxiety; loss of appetite; at higher doses, rise in blood pressure
Note: For precautions regarding the use of these medications during pregnancy, see Expectant and New Mothers.

Tricyclic Antidepressants (TCAs) Close Window
Generic name (brand name) Side effects
amitriptyline (Elavil, Endep) Dry mouth; blurred vision; dizziness when changing postures (for example, going from sitting to standing); drowsiness; weight gain; constipation; trouble urinating; disturbance of heart rhythm (arrhythmia)
clomipramine (Anafranil)
imipramine (Tofranil)
nortriptyline (Aventyl, Pamelor)
Note: For precautions regarding the use of these medications during pregnancy, see Expectant and New Mothers.

Mood Stabilizers Close Window
Generic name (brand name) Side effects
lithium carbonate (Eskalith, Lithonate) Excessive thirst; frequent urination; memory problems and poor concentration; tremors; weight gain; drowsiness; diarrhea; occasional low-thyroid problems or, more rarely, heart or kidney problems over time
carbamazepine (Tegretol) Fatigue; nausea; dizziness; unsteadiness; double or blurred vision
Rarely: lowered blood cell counts; impaired liver function
gabapentin (Neurontin) Coordination problems; abnormal dreams or thinking; anemia; irregular heartbeat; agitation or nervousness
lamotrigine (Lamictal) Fatigue; rash; headache; blurred or double vision; dizziness; nausea; memory or concentration problems
Rarely: lowered blood cell counts; impaired liver function
topiramate (Topamax) Lack of coordination; dizziness; abdominal pain; fatigue; memory difficulties; nervousness; drowsiness; speech problems; nausea; tremors; sensations such as tingling, burning, or hypersensitivity; rapid movement of the eyes; upper respiratory infections; mood problems
Rarely: abdominal pain; weight loss
valproate (Depakote) Nausea, indigestion, vomiting, or diarrhea; tremors; sedation; hair loss; increased appetite and weight gain
Rarely: impaired liver function; lowered blood cell counts; inflamed pancreas
Note: For precautions regarding the use of these medications during pregnancy, see Expectant and New Mothers.

Antipsychotics Close Window
Generic name (brand name) Side effects
clozapine (Clozaril) Drowsiness; excess salivation; dry mouth; blurred vision; constipation; dizziness; transient fever; rapid heartbeat; seizures at higher doses; potentially dangerous drop in white blood cell counts, which requires frequent, regular monitoring
olanzapine (Zyprexa) Drowsiness; weight gain; dry mouth; dizziness; weakness; upset stomach or constipation; anxiety or agitation; headache; fast heartbeat
Rarely: movement disorders; seizures; very low blood pressure
quetiapine (Seroquel) Headache; drowsiness; dizziness; constipation; dry mouth; weight gain; rapid heart rate or low blood pressure; upset stomach; altered liver or thyroid function
Rarely: movement disorders; low blood cell counts; seizures
risperidone (Risperdal) Drowsiness; anxiety; dizziness; constipation or diarrhea; nausea or stomach upset; rapid heart rate; increased dreaming; visual disturbances; weight gain
Rarely: movement disorders
Note: For precautions regarding the use of these medications during pregnancy, see Expectant and New Mothers.

Anti-Anxiety Medications Close Window
Generic name (brand name) Side effects
Benzodiazepines including:
alprazolam (Xanax)
clonazepam (Klonopin)
lorazepam (Ativan) Clumsiness or unsteadiness; drowsiness; cognitive impairment; dizziness; headache; tolerance may develop
buspirone (BuSpar) Chest pain; dizziness; headache; nausea
Note: For precautions regarding the use of these medications during pregnancy, see Expectant and New Mothers.

Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitors (MAOIs) Close Window
Generic name (brand name) Side effects
isocarboxazid (Marplan) Dizziness when changing postures; diarrhea; nervousness or trembling; drowsiness; mild headache; weight gain, with cravings for sweets; disturbed sleep
Rarely: dangerously high blood pressure if foods containing tyramine are eaten; abnormal liver function
phenelzine (Nardil)
tranylcypromine (Parnate)
Note: All antidepressants may cause agitation and restlessness; involuntary movements, such as tics and tremors; and suicidal thoughts or behaviors, particularly in the first weeks of treatment. These side effects are rare.
Note: For precautions regarding the use of these medications during pregnancy, see Expectant and New Mothers.

Sexuality and SSRIs
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One drawback to SSRIs is that they frequently dampen sexual response. One study suggested that as many as half of all people taking these medications may experience some sexual problems. In addition to reducing interest in sex, SSRIs can make it difficult to become aroused, sustain arousal, and reach orgasm. Some people taking SSRIs aren’t able to have an orgasm at all. If you experience any sexual problems while taking an SSRI, talk with your doctor or therapist. In some cases, sexual difficulties may stem not from the medication, but rather from the underlying depression. If your medication is the problem, your doctor or therapist may suggest one of the following strategies:
Lowering the dose. Sexual side effects may subside at a lower, although still therapeutic, dose.

Taking a drug holiday. Depending on how long the drug usually remains in your body, you might stop taking it for a few days before a weekend, if that’s when you hope to have sex. This is hardly spontaneous, but it can work if you carefully follow your doctor’s directions about how to stop and resume your medication. However, there is always a chance that this might cause a relapse.

Switching to a different drug. Certain antidepressants, such as bupropion (Wellbutrin), mirtazapine (Remeron), TCAs, and MAOIs, are less likely to cause sexual problems. There are some reports that bupropion may actually boost sexual drive and arousal, as well as the intensity or duration of an orgasm.
Adding a drug. In both men and women, sildenafil (Viagra) may counteract the negative sexual effects of SSRIs. Adding bupropion (Wellbutrin) to your treatment may also help.

Infidelity Forgive or Forget?

2006-07-06T08:33:00.000-07:00

Many factors can ruin a relationship. Infidelity is one of the top reasons. Why is it that infidelity is hard to forgive and forget? The aftermath is usually longer than the actual affair. What are the effects of infidelity on a relationship?

Trust

Infidelity affects the trust level in a relationship. A relationship is a commitment to each other, together and apart. Infidelity breaks the trust that one has for their partner when they are apart. An affair is cloaked in location and activity lies. Therefore it is difficult to believe what one says.

If there are children in the relationship, they are being lied to also. The time spent away with the lover, is time away from the children. One must lie to them about their absence. Older children are keener, thus they can see through and dissect lies. Too many disappointments can lead to resentment in children. With resentment and lack of trust, it is impossible to have a healthy relationship with one’s children.

Lack of trust may cause constant suspicion and interrogation. This can create a tense and hostile home environment, even if the affair is over. The lingering aura of the affair is enough to cause spontaneous arguments.

Self Esteem

Infidelity hurts one’s partner, because it may attack their self-esteem. One begins to question their value and worth against their partner’s lover. What is it that he/she has that I don’t have? Are they younger, slimmer, more handsome? Self-analysis easily transpires into self-criticism.

Self-destructive criticism manifests into a self-fulfilling prophecy. One who feels ugly, sometimes becomes ugly. Depression is a highly plausible result of destructive self-criticism. Depression literally depresses drives and motivation. The desire to care for one’s physical appearance begins to decline, and then disappear. The infidelous partner uses this as an excuse for their infidelity. In actuality they have directly contributed to it. Low self-esteem in one’s partner can manifest in any ways other than depression. It can cause the offended partner to become adulterous, themselves.

Partners and spouses are not the only ones to suffer a self-esteem blow when one cheats. Children begin to question their worth when they witness a parent’s infidelity. Many may blame themselves for the parent’s absence. They may feel that they are not good enough, or behave well enough for the parent to want to be with them. They may feel that they have driven the parent away.

These can lead to anxieties in a child such as perfectionist behavior or obsessive-compulsive disorder. Girls who grow up with an adulterous father may develop trust issues with men when they grow up. Or she may have hostile feelings towards men because of what she witnessed her mother endure, when she was a child.

Boys who witness infidelity may have low respect for women as their father did for their mother. They may feel that being a man is equal to being adulterous. If their mother is the adulterous one, he may view women as immoral and have issues of trust or resentment towards them.

Image

If one holds a high profile position, locally or internationally, infidelity can ruin one’s public image. Politicians, religious leaders and activists cannot afford any moral based scandals. Infidelity can cost a high profile person their career. The American public is infatuated with infidelity on the big and small screen. But many are quite unforgiving of infidelity in their leaders.

Infidelity is an expensive habit. If it leads to divorce of a marriage, the legal judgments may be affected by infidelity. Pain, suffering and alimony allotments are weighed against the reason of the marriage dissolution.

Infidelity can also affect child custody rulings. Character judgments will be filtered through the affair. It may be embarrassing for the adulterer and their lover to be publicly scrutinized. Infidelity usually makes for a messy divorce. And post divorce relationships can often be bitter and hostile.

Infidelity causes inter-generational as well as career damage. Some of this damage can be repaired through professional counseling. But some damage is irreparable. Before entering into an affair, remember that the effects of infidelity are sometimes temporary, but many times it can be permanent.

Dealing with your Ex-Wife

2006-06-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

Home > Dating & Love > Doc Love > Ex-wife problems
Dealing With Your Ex-Wife
By Doc Love - Web site: Doc Love's System: click here
Success Coach - Every Thursday

PAGES: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

This week’s letter comes from a guy who just split up with his wife. The poor fellow’s thinking about taking her back -- what does Doc Love have to say?
reader’s questionHey Doc,

My wife of five years, Cassia, and I recently separated, with plans for a divorce. We’ve had our ups and downs, mainly due to financial problems with neither of us budgeting well. We also have a 2-year-old daughter.

About six months ago, I noticed something different about Cassia. She changed her clothing (more sexy), eye color (contacts) and hairstyle (again, more sexy). I thought nothing of it at first, but there was more distance between us. She wanted to go clubbing with her new female friend from work every weekend instead of being at home. Then I discovered text messages that I found out later were sent between her and an ex-boyfriend. She said they were just friends, but when I mentioned the messages, she reacted very angrily. She lied three different times about who this “other man” was, and now says she made it all up to make me angry.
not marriage material
Now she says that when we met she thought she was marriage material, but she wasn’t in reality. She accused me of tricking her into marriage even though at the time I felt that she (along with her mother) pressured me. She says now that her true personality is one that only wants to date different guys. She also says she’s sorry she had to get married and have a child to realize this.

Cassia moved out two weeks ago and I haven’t called her since. She has called me three or four times to “chat.” One of those calls was at 2 a.m. She said she was upset I hadn’t called to “check on her.” I said I didn’t think it was necessary because we agreed it was over between us. I think she gets frustrated because I act indifferent when she calls. She also asks if I’m seeing anyone and drills me about my personal life. I think she’s shocked because I have not come pleading or begging for her to come back. It may just be her ego making her call when she doesn’t hear from me. I have not once even asked about the other man, if there is one.

Doc, am I being too indifferent to Cassia even though we have a daughter together? I know the fact that we have a child changes things because we have to speak to each other about her. Also, should I give the two of us another try in the future?

Shel - who’s tempted to give it another go
doc love’s answerHi Shel,

I hate to break this to you, but your impending divorce isn’t completely on account of financial ineptitude. But you and Cassia are the typical Americans: You’re the folks who don’t save anything, you’re deep into credit-card debt to the tune of 18 to 25 grand, and you have to figure out a way to stay in love with each other. But when there’s no food on the table, Interest Level goes down. To you Psych majors, you have to very careful with your money.

She’s been talking to her ex? That’s never a good sign… Next >> http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_300/330_relationship_expert.html

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Men & Depression

2006-05-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

Helping Men Get Help

The most important thing anyone can do for a man who may have depression is to help him get to a doctor for a diagnostic evaluation and treatment. First, try to talk to him about depression — help him understand that depression is a common illness among men and is nothing to be ashamed about. Then encourage him to see his health-care provider to determine the cause of his symptoms and obtain appropriate treatment.
Occasionally, you may need to make an appointment for the depressed person and accompany him to the doctor. Once he is in treatment, you may continue to help by encouraging him to stay with treatment until symptoms begin to lift (several weeks), or to seek different treatment if no improvement occurs. This may also mean monitoring whether he is taking prescribed medication and/or attending therapy sessions. Encourage him to be honest with the doctor about his use of alcohol and prescription or recreational drugs, and to follow the doctor's orders about the use of these substances while on antidepressant medication.

8 Ways to Release Stress

2006-05-19T08:33:00.000-07:00

8 Ways to Release Stress

Some ways to unwind
If the stress of daily life is getting to you, try letting off steam with these tips from the University of British Columbia:

Go for a brisk walk, take an aerobics class, or go swimming.
Eat moderately, and avoid binge or stress eating.
Take a day trip.
Go somewhere local that you've heard about but haven't been to before.
Take up a craft hobby such as pottery, drawing, or photography.
Read something light and funny.
Go fly a kite.
Bake cookies for a friend.

— Felicity Stone, HealthDay News

taken from emotionalhealth.com

Crazy Love Facts

2006-05-15T10:33:00.000-07:00

Who knew? Crazy love facts

Wait till you hear the fascinating facts scientists have uncovered about how and why we humans fall in love.

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The secret to a romantic night is…
So it’s date night and you want to set the mood for romance…what’s the right plan to make? Interestingly, you should go to a movie, but not any old flick. If you want kisses after the credits roll, then a romantic chick flick should be your choice, according to a recent study by the University of Michigan. Researchers reached this conclusion after testing the hormone levels of three different groups of men and women who were shown a variety of movies. One group watched a romantic scene from The Bridges of Madison County, a second viewed a violent portion of The Godfather: Part II, and a third was shown a documentary on the Amazon rainforest. While the viewers watching the rainforest footage experienced no hormonal changes, researchers found that The Bridges of Madison County caused a surge in both men’s and women’s levels of progesterone, a hormone that triggers the urge to cuddle. “Progesterone is known to have anxiety-reducing, soothing effects,” explains Oliver C. Schultheiss, associate professor of psychology at the University of Michigan and co-author of the study. In this way, progesterone can pave the way for romance and help couples bond, he says.

Should you wed the first person you fall for?
How many people should you wine and dine before you can feel confident enough to say you’ve met your one and only? Believe it or not, mathematics has the answer: A dozen. “Check out and reject 12 people, then pick the next best that comes along, and you’re likely to have a very good match on your hands,” says Clio Cresswell, a mathematician and author of Mathematics and Sex. That’s because when it comes to decision-making, formulas reveal that your chances of picking the right answer improve as you expose yourself to more options. But there does come a point when you are over-researching: If you date and reject 30 or more potential mates, “you've probably met someone that you could possibly have been more than happy with, and passed them over,’ notes Cresswell.

The best time to bond
Many people agree with John Gray—men are from Mars, and women from Venus. However, a new study suggests that there is a brief time in our dating lives when men and women are pretty much from the same planet. It's when we first fall in love. For this, you can thank your hormones, which, researchers from the University of Pisa in Italy found out, fluctuate like mad when a new relationship blooms. When guys are smitten, they experience a drop in their body’s levels of testosterone, a hormone linked to aggressive, sometimes domineering behavior. Meanwhile, love-struck women get a testosterone boost.

“Men, in some way, become more like women, and women become like men,” researcher Donatella Marazziti explained. And there’s a very good reason for this hormonal gender-bending: We’re more likely to have a rapport with someone who shares our personality traits. This blissful, two-peas-in-a-pod feeling doesn’t last forever, though. When researchers tested subjects one year later, they found that men’s and women’s testosterone levels had diverged and returned to their pre-relationship levels.

Is it lust or love?
If you’re swooning over your new sweetie, you may think you’re deeply in love. Friends, however, may say, “You’re just in lust.” Who’s right? Researchers have recently found evidence that people can distinguish between true romance and plain old sexual attraction. For the study, scientists performed MRIs on men and women as they looked upon photos of the person they were in love with and photos of acquaintances (both attractive and less attractive ones). The results showed that the two sets of photos affected the brain very differently: Photos of loved ones triggered more activity on the right side of the brain (an area associated with romantic emotions) than did the other photos; photos of extremely attractive people triggered more activity on the left side of the brain (a hotbed for sexual urges) than did the photos of subjects’ beloveds.

What this suggests, says study author Arthur Aron, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the State University of New York-Stony Brook, is that the emotions of love and lust are more distinct than we think, and that people can indeed discriminate between the two. Tell that to your cynical friends!

And your soul mate’s name is…
Would you choose a romantic partner because his or her name sounds like yours or because you share the same initials? Scoff all you like, but a new study suggests people do just that. When a team of researchers led by John T. Jones, Ph.D., of the United States Military Academy checked out marriage records stretching back to the 1800s, they found a significant number of couples in which the woman’s maiden name began with the same letter as the man’s surname. To further test the research, the team conducted an experiment in which male college students were first asked to write about a flaw of theirs (we’ll explain why in a minute). Then they were asked to evaluate women’s personal ads in which the full first name and first three letters of their last name were listed. Subjects, it turns out, were especially drawn to profiles in which the names resembled their own.

Why, exactly, do matching monikers prove so magnetic? In a nutshell, because people tend to have a positive association with their own name—and this need for familiarity increases when people are under stress or forced to dwell on their shortcomings. “Especially when they’re anxious, people may gravitate toward self-relevant symbols,” Jones explained. “We think there’s something about these symbols that makes people feel more secure.” Added bonus: If you two last for the long haul, you sure can save on monogramming costs.

Reported by Judy Dutton, Lisa Cericola, Elise Nersesian, Jessica Brown, and Laura Schaefer.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

How to Get Over a Break Up

2006-05-01T16:26:00.001-07:00

How To Get Over a Break Up
From Jeff Cohen,Your Guide to Dating.FREE Newsletter. Sign Up Now!
How to Get Over a Break UpWant to know how to get over a break up? Here are six secrets to help you get your life together and move on!

Difficulty: Hard

Time Required: Two Weeks to Three Months

Here's How:

1. Bond with other Singles.At any given time, you probably have a mix of friends in loving relationships as well as those searching for love. Don't be afraid to look-up single friends you haven't seen or spoken to in awhile and make plans for Friday and Saturday night. You'll stay busy on the weekend and maybe even rekindle an old friendship.

2. Start a Social Hobby.If there is a hobby or activity you have been meaning to try for the first time, or take-up again, this is your chance. Focus on activities that allow you to meet new and interesting people. Examples might include a cooking class, sports league, or bridge club.

3. Go Easy on the Next Person you Meet.Beware of continuing unfinished business with the next person you meet. If you didn't have a chance to truly close the door on your last relationship, don't project your open issues on the next unsuspecting soul. See the new person as a clean slate and allow the relationship to unfold with no connections to your past.

4. Don't Sling Shot your Ex.It can be very tempting, particularly on lonely nights, to look up your ex or accept an invitation from your ex for a rekindle. The more you fall back on your old ways, the harder it will be to truly move on. Don't fall for the short term satisfaction of a night out or easy hook-up at the expense of stirring up all the hurt from the breakup.

5. Apply What You've Learned.Take out a journal and write down everything that went well versus what could have been better in your relationship. Be honest since you're the only one looking at the entry. What could you do better next time? What positive traits did your ex possess that you should look for in the next relationship, or maybe even incorporate into your own style?

6. Talk About Something Else.Everyone goes through a period of venting to their friends and family about what went wrong and how your ex deserves to go straight to prison. It's okay to do a little venting, but spare your inner circle from an endless tirade for months at a time. Commit to yourself that the next time you call a close friend, you'll focus exclusively on them. This will help you get out of your head for awhile and start feeling normal again.

head to http://mjac.forumco.com to spend time ranting & raving to complete strangers! It will help your friends want to remain your friends.

How to Get Over a Break Up

2006-05-01T16:26:00.000-07:00

How To Get Over a Break Up

From Jeff Cohen,Your Guide to Dating.FREE Newsletter. Sign Up Now!
How to Get Over a Break UpWant to know how to get over a break up? Here are six secrets to help you get your life together and move on!

Difficulty: Hard

Time Required: Two Weeks to Three Months

Here's How:

1. Bond with other Singles.At any given time, you probably have a mix of friends in loving relationships as well as those searching for love. Don't be afraid to look-up single friends you haven't seen or spoken to in awhile and make plans for Friday and Saturday night. You'll stay busy on the weekend and maybe even rekindle an old friendship.

2. Start a Social Hobby.If there is a hobby or activity you have been meaning to try for the first time, or take-up again, this is your chance. Focus on activities that allow you to meet new and interesting people. Examples might include a cooking class, sports league, or bridge club.

3. Go Easy on the Next Person you Meet.Beware of continuing unfinished business with the next person you meet. If you didn't have a chance to truly close the door on your last relationship, don't project your open issues on the next unsuspecting soul. See the new person as a clean slate and allow the relationship to unfold with no connections to your past.

4. Don't Sling Shot your Ex.It can be very tempting, particularly on lonely nights, to look up your ex or accept an invitation from your ex for a rekindle. The more you fall back on your old ways, the harder it will be to truly move on. Don't fall for the short term satisfaction of a night out or easy hook-up at the expense of stirring up all the hurt from the breakup.

5. Apply What You've Learned.Take out a journal and write down everything that went well versus what could have been better in your relationship. Be honest since you're the only one looking at the entry. What could you do better next time? What positive traits did your ex possess that you should look for in the next relationship, or maybe even incorporate into your own style?

6. Talk About Something Else.Everyone goes through a period of venting to their friends and family about what went wrong and how your ex deserves to go straight to prison. It's okay to do a little venting, but spare your inner circle from an endless tirade for months at a time. Commit to yourself that the next time you call a close friend, you'll focus exclusively on them. This will help you get out of your head for awhile and start feeling normal again.
More How To's from your Guide To

Get Over a BreakUp by Getting Fit

2006-05-01T16:18:00.000-07:00

Diet & Fitness home
Do you need a breakover?
by Siobhan Mason

If you've been jilted, don't get angry - get fit, says Siobhan Mason

The end of a relationship is the perfect time to drum up the motivation to kickstart a fitness routine. Maybe you feel fat, ugly and unlovable and hope a few sessions at the gym will turn you into a desirable babe again. Perhaps it's a case of wanting to fill those aching gaps in the evenings or weekends or feeling that taking to a punch-bag is the only way to release all pent-up hostility. Then there's the sudden realisation - heaven forbid - that one day you will be naked in front of someone new. That alone is enough reason to send you scuttling to the gym.

'You might spend a few days feeling grotty, lying in bed crying and looking at old photos,' says martial artist and personal trainer, Ann-Marie Millard, co-author of Kick Your Way to Fitness(Thorsons, £12.99) and founder of Fusion Fitness, a national agency of martial artists and personal trainers. 'But after the initial misery, you start to think, "I'll show him. Just wait until he sees the new me. I'm going to look fantastic."'

Aiming to look drop-dead gorgeous so that your ex regrets ever letting you go may seem like misguided motivation, but if it's effective in getting you off the couch and improving your health, who cares? 'Vanity's a great motivator,' says Millard. Whatever your goal, after a break-up concentrating your energies on working out can do wonders for your psyche as well as your physique.

'When I split up from my last boyfriend, I went on an exercise binge,' admits 26-year-old Nicola Harrison. 'I biked to work everyday and went running in the evenings. I thought to myself, "Look what I can do, I don't need you - here's what you're missing." Exercise every day helped me feel confident about myself physically, but it also helped me feel in control and independent.'
'The break-up of a relationship is painful, no matter who initiates it,' says London-based life coach and ashtanga yoga instructor, Michael Myerscough, 'but you can turn that pain into something positive by taking up regular exercise.' In fact, he insists that it's impossible to work out and feel miserable at the same time. 'Working out keeps the rational side of your mind busy, while your subconscious gets on with processing everything in the background,' he says. 'Exercise also releases endorphins - your body's own feelgood chemicals - giving you the same feeling as chocolate without the calories or the cavities.'

Liz Murray, aged 30, found that a weight-training session three times a week was the perfect outlet for her anger after being ditched by her man. 'I started exercising because I wanted to look better, but kept it up because it made me feel so great. If I'd had a miserable self-pitying day, I knew going to the gym would make me feel fantastic for at least 20 minutes afterwards.' In short, a regular workout can help keep you sane. The fit, toned body that results is just an added bonus.

Here's our guide to finding the perfect type of exercise to suit your particular break-up woes.
PAGE 1 OF 2 NEXT

Ending that Broken Relationship

2006-05-01T16:12:00.000-07:00

7 Break Up Tips For A Broken Relationship By Amanda GreeneRelationship Correspondent - Every 2nd Monday

PAGES: 1 2

When a relationship is on its last leg, who ends it? Recognizing that her habits have become annoying instead of cute is just the start. Her rude cell phone calls mid-meal, the way she thinks she's always right, and her complete lack of respect for your opinion should all be sending you a clear message.
Relationships often go bad -- and stay that way. Even when both people know that they would be happier with someone else, it's human nature to procrastinate about difficult decisions. So rather than riding inertia's wave, use these seven helpful tips to break loose and move on.
1- Make her the first to knowOut of respect for her, never tell your friends you're going to end it before telling her it's over. It's a simple thing women consider sacred. The all too connected grapevine is not the place she should or deserves to be told that you're no longer interested. You could discuss some relationship problems you're having with your buddies, but leave your final decision to break up with her out of it.
Use your judgment to decide which day would be best to break the news to her. If she's very emotional and you think that you'll break her heart, try to do it on a Friday. This will give her the weekend to recover and spend time with friends. But if she's the type to plow through full steam ahead, then perhaps ending it on a Monday is best. This will ensure that her busy workweek will keep her mind off the break up and you.
Remember that there will be no "perfect time" to end the relationship. The best thing to do is set a random Monday or Friday to break up -- and stick to it.
2- Find a neutral zoneIt's not fair to end the relationship at your place, nor should you be forced to see a picture of you and her hugging on her fridge. Try to find a neutral space where both of you would be comfortable to express your feelings, like a park. At least there you can walk and talk, or maybe even find a more secluded spot.
A restaurant, on the other hand, is a bad choice. If she makes a scene, there's no respectful recovery and no quick way out. But fear of embarrassment is never a reason to leave her in the middle of nowhere. No matter how emotional and heated the conversation gets, there's no excuse for risking her safety or yours.
3- End it in personIf you've lost that loving feeling, be courteous and tell her face-to-face. Phone calls and e-mail are fine for small talk, but this is a big issue. It's natural to want as much distance as possible between you and her when you break the bad news, but in this case, fight your instincts and have the decency to say it to her face.
Be an emotional rock... Next >>

Top 10 Signs You've Been Single Too Long

2006-05-01T16:08:00.000-07:00

Top 10: Signs You've Been Single Too Long
By Lee Herrmann Relationship Correspondent - Every other Sunday

PAGES: 1 2 3
In the hustle and bustle of this crazy world, we all crave a little companionship. Some guys, however, seem to be better at finding it than others. There are those who can reel in the women with ease, while others struggle like amateur anglers using cotton tied to a drinking straw.Being single for too long can have some profound ill effects, and not just on your libido. Fly solo for an extended period of time and you'll go beyond just losing your game -- you'll turn you into a socially contorted creature that would make Frankenstein seem like Brad Pitt.If you've been single for a while and find that you're always struggling to get a date or can't even make it to a second one, there could be a reason behind it. Here are 10 signs that you've been single for far too long.
Number 10
You're out of touch with datingFor starters, you cannot remember when Valentine's Day is. You're definitely out of the game when February 14th rolls around and you're confused at the sudden influx of pink and red. Valentine's Day is a good marker by which to gauge your period of singlehood because it's a holiday we need women to remind us about. If it has been really long -- if your last Valentine's experience involved the foreign kid with braces in the second grade -- then you need more than a brush-up on your romance skills.Another indication that you're out of touch with the dating world comes when you take your dating tips from movies like Swingers ("You're money and you don't even know it") and About a Boy. Let's not forget that these are romantic comedies. If you're taking notes while everyone else is laughing, it's a problem.
Number 9
There are no women in your lifeNot only have you stopped dating, your life is devoid of any female companionship whatsoever. You have no female friends. Colleagues of the opposite sex seem to avoid you. Your friends won't even talk to you about women anymore, either because they're embarrassed to or they figure you're so out of the loop that you'll have nothing meaningful to contribute to the discussion.If the only female relationship you have is with your mother, you need to change that -- quick. The influence of a maternal figure over too long a period of time can be very detrimental, particularly to the chronic bachelor. As far- fetched as it may seem, you may come to unwittingly rate the women you meet on how they measure up to your mama. If you find yourself looking for a love interest that wears floral blouses, has a '70s perm and will tuck you in at night... seek help.To you, Jenna Jameson and Jodie Foster are colleagues... Next >>
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