Strengthen Social Bonds

Strategies for De-Stressing
Strengthening Your Social Bonds


Given the pleasures and benefits of social ties, why not grasp opportunities to expand your social circle and deepen the ties you’ve already made? Here are some ways to do just that:
If you normally wait for others to reach out, pick up the phone and propose a date.

Explore some of the many volunteer opportunities available, from wielding tools to spruce up affordable housing to mentoring a child or business-person. Check with http://www.volunteermatch.org or http://www.seniorcorps.org or call your local chapter of the United Way for opportunities that fit your talents and interests.

Harness the warmer side of technology. E-mail and telephones extend your reach around the world. Libraries and senior centers may offer free online time and may even help you set up a free e-mail account.

Find like-minded people through intriguing classes, organizations, and your community newspaper.

If it’s hard to get to religious services, ask fellow congregants to escort you. If a significant illness keeps you away, find out if your spiritual leader makes home visits.

Social support is a two-way street. Offer assistance to friends, family, and neighbors and accept it when it’s offered to you.

Share a confidence. Doing so can turn a friendly relationship into an even deeper one.

If depression, low self-esteem, or social phobias affect your ability to make connections, seek help. Start by talking with your doctor. Many people have been aided by therapy, medications, or both.

Coping With Holiday Blues

Coping With the Holiday Blues


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Published: 11/21/06
TUESDAY, Nov. 21 (HealthDay News) -- With the holidays just about here, so, too, are the comforting seasonal images of cheer -- family get-togethers, lavish dinners, and the bustle of shopping and gift-giving.

But for some, the holidays are a source of sadness. The period from Thanksgiving to New Year's can offer unwanted reminders of loss -- perhaps the death of a loved one or a recent divorce, said Dr. Eric Hollander, director of the Compulsive, Impulsive and Anxiety Disorder Program at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City.

A number of factors can contribute to the "holiday blues," including troubled family relationships, stress, fatigue, lack of sunlight, unrealistic expectations, images in the media, and financial constraints.

"The holidays also come at the end of the year, when people tend to evaluate what they have done in the previous year. If they feel like they haven't made sufficient progress, they may feel a sense of loss," said Dr. Boadie Dunlop, assistant professor of psychiatry at Emory University in Atlanta.

People struggling with the holiday blues may experience feelings of sadness, tension, and stress; changes in sleep patterns; a lack of energy; diminished interest in favorite activities; or excessive drinking or eating.

Fortunately, there are ways to cope.

"Maintaining healthful lifestyle patterns and getting together with others is especially important during the holidays," said Hollander.

He suggests making a special effort to get as much sunlight as possible, exercise regularly, eat a healthful diet, and keep up social connections during the holiday season.

If you're feeling sad, stressed, or tense during the holidays, Dunlop suggests the following:

Set reasonable goals. To avoid overextending yourself during the holidays, plan ahead, avoid chaotic situations, and stick to a budget.
Have reasonable expectations. If your holidays aren't perfect, that's OK. Prioritize what is and isn't important for you to do.
Get enough rest. Set aside time for yourself to relax and sleep during the busy season.
Avoid dwelling on the past. If you find yourself focusing on unpleasant thoughts, find something else to do, such as taking a walk or visiting a friend.
Focus on the positive. Instead of worrying about what you haven't done in the past year, talk with someone about all the positive things that have happened during that time.
Don't overindulge in alcohol or food. Enjoy holiday meals in moderation, because excessive food and drink will just make you feel worse.
Fortunately, the symptoms of depression associated with the holiday season usually don't last. "The holiday blues should lift within a couple of weeks after the holiday season ends," Dunlop said.

But get help if you think you need it. According to Hollander, if you have a marked change in your sleep or energy patterns, or struggle with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, seek the help of an experienced mental-health practitioner.

More information

To learn more, visit New York Online Access to Health.

Broken Hearted Guys

Gentlemen -

If you'd like to start speaking with others in your situation (for free!), head to mjac.forumco.com .

- the breakupgirl

Writing It Out

Strategies for De-Stressing
Writing It Out
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Clinicians at the Mind/Body Medical Institute have found that the following journal exercise helps relieve ongoing sources of stress. A single attempt is not enough, though. When you first sit down to write about a problem, you may feel more anxious. The wound, once exposed, may initially hurt more than it did while hidden. But continuing to write about the same problem over the course of several days often enables you to work through difficult emotions and reach resolution or acceptance.

Here’s some advice before you begin:
Deeply troubling events and situations, such as domestic violence, rape, or direct exposure to acts of terrorism or war, are best explored with an experienced therapist. For other situations, you can proceed on your own and seek professional help only if you feel you need assistance.

If you’re physically healthy, choose the most stressful event or problem you currently face. It’s usually one that you frequently dwell upon. Or, if you think your current problems stem from past circumstance, write about traumatic events in your past.

Truly let go. Write down what you feel and why you feel that way.

Write for yourself, not others. Don’t worry about grammar or sentence structure. If you run out of things to say in the time allotted, feel free to repeat yourself.

Do this exercise for 15–20 minutes a day for three to four days or as long as a week if you feel writing continues to be helpful

Recover from a BreakUp Quickly

Recover From A Breakup... Quickly
By Curt Smith
Relationship Correspondent - Every 2nd Monday


PAGES: | 1 | 2 |



"The day you left me, I was stained with sorrow and sadness. My eyes were red with grief. You were a part of me, so when you left, I felt like I lost one of my lungs and breathing became harder. I had no clue as to how I would survive the next minute of my life without hearing your sweet voice, smelling your charming perfume or feeling the soft touch of your lips.
But now I'm cured, sterilized from your love and finally at peace. I no longer miss you and no longer love you. Yet I still wait for you my love, every minute that I live, every hour of the day, every day of the month and every month of the year."


stuck in limbo

The message above is a perfect example of why it is so difficult to get over a breakup: not being able to let go of false hope. Most men are stuck in limbo with the idea that there might be a chance of getting back together with their women.
The result of such beliefs is a double-edged rejection sword. This person actually inflicts prolonged and repetitive pain. First comes the initial sting originating from the breakup itself. Then comes the gut-wrenching, heart-breaking hope that she will return, and eventually the realization that she does not regret leaving you -- and she is gone for good.

All this pain could be kept short and sweet if a man would just learn to accept the decision made by his "new" ex-girlfriend and move on with his life. By waiting around and hoping, a man is trapping himself in an endless circle of torture.


you control the situation

A man cannot prevent his woman from leaving him, but he can definitely control the whole breakup situation. Some men make the whole experience a lot more difficult than it really is. You can think of going through a breakup as similar to preparing a martini -- you take it either stirred or shaken.
The time it takes for a man to recover from the breakup depends on how he serves himself a martini. Most men will take it shaken. They sit around the house reading old love letters, looking at old photos and listening to meaningful love songs while reminiscing about the past.

This is the hard, long way of recovering. Essentially, he's taking all these emotions together and shaking them within himself to make them more bubbly than they need to be.

I, on the other hand, like it stirred. Sure breaking up is hard, but I'll only stir my martini of emotions for a short time, while I ponder on what to do next. But I don't dwell or shake up my emotions. No, I just move on.

it's not fair

Coping with a breakup is hard for everyone, but in my opinion, it is harder for men than it is for women. This is especially true for all those men who were involved in long-term relationships.
Now you're probably wondering why I believe it is more difficult for men. The answer is simple: we all know that one of the best ways to recover from a breakup is to meet new people. Well, after a breakup, men have a more difficult time meeting new women than women have meeting men.

Just think about it for a moment. If you break up with your girlfriend, all she has to do is go down to the local café, bar, club (you name it) and she'll have at least one man approach her. If she wants, she'll be in the sack with him by night's end.

On the other hand, the fragile, ego-broken man who was just dumped by his girlfriend now has the difficult task of approaching a strange woman and risk being rejected all over again.

Of course, his job is made a lot more difficult because he has to approach a woman while dealing with his new desperate state of mind (which definitely does not improve his chances: women hate desperate men), broken ego and rusty "pickup" skills.

Needless to say, his efforts are headed for doom, which will only cause his ego to be shattered further.


recover quickly

These stressful moments can further lead to confusion and a state of mind where one feels totally helpless. But there are five necessary steps that one can take to quickly recover from a breakup.
1. Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Over the years, men have earned the reputation for being big babies. One of the reasons why they're labeled in such a way is because they're always feeling sorry for themselves. Being dumped only adds to this.

Every man thinks his breakup was the most traumatic one in history. The truth of the matter is, breakups always follow the same pattern, and life does go on. If you keep thinking about how badly you've been hurt, you will continue to hurt. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and help yourself get over her.

2. Destroy the past
As I mentioned before, a lot of recently dumped men remain trapped in a limbo state of mind, hoping that their ex will return to them. But they will never admit to this. In front of their buddies, they claim to be over the breakup and swear that their girlfriend no longer means anything to them.

But if you ask them to throw away all the love letters and pictures, they'll refuse. Why? In case she does return, they won't have to start a whole new photo collection.

The solution is to completely destroy or burn anything that reminds you of her. If you find it difficult, then this means that you can't let go and you're still hoping for her to return to you. Believe me, once you meet another woman, all those pictures of your ex will become meaningless.

Initially it will be difficult, but once you've destroyed all the memorabilia of your ex, you'll have no choice but to move on, and you won't have anything around to remind you of her and cause you to feel sorry for yourself.

3. Remember your blood
A man can sometimes fall victim of his blind love and spend too much time with his woman leading him to forget his family. But in the end, once he's been dumped, he soon realizes the importance of his family. As one of our readers Scott Alex suggested, spending quality time with your blood - the family that sticks with you through tough times - is a sure way to recover from a break up.

Scott also recommends rearranging the furniture around the house. This will give you a new feel to the rooms - especially the bedroom - and can help you forget old memories and build new ones.

4. Repair the ego
Your ego just took a heavy blow so the last thing you want is to get back into the dating scene and suffer the consequences of normal rejection that comes from dating -- you'll take it too personally.

The solution to repairing your ego is to start off slowly by first making friends and doing fun activities such as sports, dance lessons and training at the gym. Getting your body in shape will eventually give you the confidence to meet new women and build your ego.

Once you feel comfortable and decide to get back into the dating game, it will be a lot easier to meet women since you have planted some seeds (met women in dance classes and such) and you won't look as desperate.

5. The sweetest revenge
Some men have bitter feelings towards their ex-girlfriends. Some behave in violent and crazy ways, while others let their performance level take a downward fall, be it in school or at work. I say, "rubbish" to all this nonsense. Don't let the actions of a woman dictate the way the rest of your life will turn out.

The sweetest revenge one could have is to be successful. Being dumped is actually the best motivation to help push you into succeeding in life. Believe me, there is no better feeling than bumping into your ex four years down the road after you've dropped twenty pounds, put on a rock hard six-pack and started your own lucrative business. Not to mention having your beautiful Swedish wife standing by your side.

You won't have to worry about hiding the fact that you work for a local McDonald's fast food restaurant. No. Instead, when your ex asks you what you've done with your life, you can start off with a big smile on your face, look at her wife-abusing husband and the rest is history. Get it on!

Remember guys, as in the famous words of W.E. Henley, "You are the master of your fate and the captain of your soul."

The Ingredients of Good Therapy

Treatment for Depression: Getting Help
The Ingredients of Good Therapy

There are many different approaches to psychotherapy, but all good therapy shares some common elements. To start with, make sure that your therapist has a state license. While psychotherapy isn’t always comfortable, you should feel reasonably at ease with your therapist. In the best case, the two of you will be, or will become, a good match. Of course, both of you must respect ethical and professional boundaries.

It’s important that therapy provide some relief. Your therapist should not only offer reassurance and support, but also suggest a clear plan for how the therapy will proceed. You and your therapist should agree upon realistic goals for the therapy early on. While well-defined problems might be addressed relatively quickly, you may need to approach more difficult problems from many angles, which will take longer.

Since mood disorders can have a broad influence on relationships, work, school, and leisure activities, therapy should address these areas when — or if possible before — they become a problem. Therapy isn’t just for uncovering painful thoughts, although that’s part of the work. Good therapy also addresses how you can adjust, adapt, or function better. And it helps you understand the nature of your distress. You should feel that your therapist approaches the important issues in your life in a way that’s unique to your needs, not from a one-size-fits-all perspective. Pertinent issues springing from your culture, sex, and age, as well as individual differences, should shape the direction therapy takes.

If a doctor other than your therapist prescribes antidepressants for you, the two should communicate. If they don’t do so on their own, you may want to encourage collaboration by asking your therapist and doctor to speak regularly. Your therapist ought to understand the medication portion of your treatment, encourage you to take medications as prescribed, and help monitor your response.

Although it’s not uncommon to feel stuck at times, don’t persist for months with that feeling. Some difficult problems take a long time to unravel, but you should sense progress. If you don’t, it’s a sign that the match between you and either the technique or the therapist isn’t right. If four to six months have gone by and you don’t feel better, it’s a good idea to consult another therapist.

SCAMS to GET YOUR WOMAN BACK

We've all seen it. We've all been tempted. "Get your woman back through WitchCraft, VooDoo, 10 easy tips, just buy my book or audio CD for $300."

I know we all get depressed when relationships end. Really, Really, I do. However, there comes a time in life where you have to breathe in, breathe out and question your own sanity.

You've lived without this person before.

You've been dumped before and you've lived through it.

You may have raised teenagers and you've lived through it.

You may be very young with no children, but if you made it out of highschool, you've lived through on of the hardest trials of your young life.

Just remember to check yourself everytime you feel that you're going to die unless this person comes back to you. If she were going to come back, then she would have done so already. And think to yourself...Do you really want to be with someone who didn't think you were worth making sacrifices for? Who didn't think that you were worth taking the time to work things out?

My book - The BreakUp Workbook for men at www.brokenheartedguy.com has sold over 1500 copies in the past year. It's only $12.99, and you can buy the hard copy for just a little bit more. But here's the deal, even if you don't buy the book, you can visit our forum for FREE http://mjac.forumco.com and just look around at all the posts from people - over 11,500 posts from men & women who have learned, grown, and supported one another through their worst breakups. Just seeing that will help you to remember that you're not alone. And it's free to register, free to join, and is a WONDERFUL community for anyone who just needs to vent!

And don't spend over $100 on ANYTHING that says it's guaranteed to get your lover back, or get a psychic reading...it won't help. It will only give you false hope. And maybe break the bank a little bit!

And who knows? Maybe your ex will realize all on her own that she's a dumbass and come crawling back to you. If that occurs, remember that the power is in YOUR hands. Take time to make your decision.

email me at admin@brokenheartedguy.com if you have any questions! I do invite you to visit our free community. And if it helps you, please spread the word!

MJ

Treatments for Depression

Types of Psychotherapy

Depression can bring everything in your life — work, relationships, school, and even the most minor tasks — to a grinding halt, or, at the very least, gum up the works. The aim of psychotherapy is to relieve you of symptoms and to help you manage your problems better and live the healthiest, most satisfying life you can.

Some evidence suggests that by encouraging more constructive ways of thinking and acting, psychotherapy makes future bouts of depression less likely. Three schools of psychotherapy — cognitive behavioral therapy, interpersonal therapy, and psychodynamic therapy — play a primary role in combating depression.

Which type of psychotherapy works best? There’s no simple answer. Just as people respond differently to different drugs, you might do better with one type of therapy than with another. Many people find that a blended approach — one that draws on elements of different schools of psychotherapy — suits them best.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy aims to correct ingrained patterns of negative thoughts and behaviors. To accomplish this, you are taught to recognize distorted, self-critical thoughts, such as "I always screw up"; "People don’t like me"; "It’s all my fault." During cognitive behavioral therapy, your therapist may ask you to judge the truth behind these statements, to work to transform such automatic thoughts, and to recognize events that are beyond your control.

Along with cutting down on the number of negative thoughts, cognitive behavioral therapy also focuses on breaking jobs into smaller, more manageable pieces that set you up for success. You rehearse new ways of coping with problems and practice social skills that can help wean you from actions that provide a fertile breeding ground for depression, such as isolating yourself. Your therapist may assign you tasks to reinforce your learning. For example, you might keep a log of thoughts that occur as you try out your new skills. As negative patterns become clearer, you can learn to redirect them.

Interpersonal psychotherapy

Interpersonal psychotherapy concentrates on the thornier aspects of your current relationships, both at work and at home. Weekly sessions over three or four months will help you identify and practice ways to cope with recurring conflicts. Typically, therapy centers on one of four specific problems:

grief over a recent loss
conflicts about roles and social expectations
the effect of a major change, such as divorce or a new job
social isolation.
Psychodynamic therapy

Psychodynamic therapy focuses on how life events, desires, and past and current relationships affect your feelings and the choices you make. In this type of therapy, you and your therapist identify the compromises you’ve made to defend yourself against painful thoughts or emotions, sometimes without even knowing it. For example, someone with an overbearing parent may unconsciously find it difficult to risk developing intimate relationships, out of fear that all close relationships will involve a domineering partner. By becoming aware of links like this, you may find it easier to overcome such obstacles.

You and your therapist may talk about disruptions in your early life — perhaps the death of a parent, your parents’ divorce, or other disappointments — to determine their effect on you. While the duration of psychodynamic therapy can be open-ended, a variation called brief dynamic therapy is limited to a specific amount of time (generally 12–20 weeks). It applies a similar lens to a specific emotional problem.

Not just for individuals

Group, family, or couples therapy may also be part of a plan for treating depression or bipolar disorder. Group therapy draws on support generated from people in the group and uses the dynamics among them, along with the leader’s help, to explore shared problems. Family therapy and couples therapy also delve into human interactions. Like group therapy, the aim is to define destructive patterns — such as scapegoating one family member or enabling a spouse’s alcohol abuse — and replace them with healthier ones. These therapies can uncover hidden issues and establish lines of communication. Family therapy is especially useful when one person is struggling with emotions that spill over into the family.